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My scale is a liar
I had this glorious vision the other day that I had a six pack. Rouge Dead Guy of course, chilled and a huge frosty mug accompanying it. Just kidding! I mean abs… Like, on my stomach. All muscly and...
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I weep for the future of America.
Today I needed to make a return at Walgreens. Normally I absolutely love Walgreens but today I must’ve stepped through the looking glass of something because it was a total mindfuck. Here’s what...
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Oh, sure.
There’s a legitimate pencil sharpener in my bathroom. Just hanging out behind the door, under a cabinet, acting like it belongs here… Kinda like an ex boyfriend. This obscurity lead me to ponder the...
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I fell deeply in love with you—r dog
I like animals more than humans. They’re nice, don’t try to have meaningless conversations about feelings and they don’t try to penetrate me… To often. I was PMSy in a super shitty mood all weekend...
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Suck it, Martha
In celebration of my recent 250 blog follower mark, This Dimwit was my 250th, (And yes, it did feel like the first time. Thanks for being gentle) I felt that I should share a relatively coveted recipe...
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Happy (Grand)mother’s Day!
I celebrated a beautiful Mother’s Day with my grandmother. Here is a glimpse into our magical day! I got her a little blue turtle for her rose garden. Grandma came over for a tea party theme brunch in...
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She’s clearly a Taurus
I recently celebrated the twenty-eight anniversary of the day that I was expelled from my mother’s vagina. Seriously, look at that noggin… No wonder she doesn’t speak to me anymore. She clearly has...
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The cheese to my macaronni
I’m cursed when it comes to posting about my relationships. It seems like as soon as I push the ‘Publish’ button, I discover that he’s been sticking it to his best friend and is now expecting yet...
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Ask Stephanie
Hello angel faces, I get some pretty off the wall emails from readers, so I thought I would compile them and have a little Q&A blog post. There might be a video post.. Maybe not. I don’t know if...
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Ask Stephanie- Desert island addition
Dear Stephanie, If you were trapped on a desert island, and could only bring three everyday items, what would they be? -babybobbie Dear Bobbie, You know when you go to a party and there’s always that...
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Ask Stephanie- How to bag a boyfriend
Dear Steph, Do you have any relationship advice? I’m having a hard time landing a man. Sincerely, Iwantaboyfriend Dear Taylor Swift, Date a robot. My boyfriend told me to stop vacuuming and go take a...
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Ask Stephanie- Lesbian lover addition
Dear Stephanie, If you were a lesbian, who would your lesbian lover be? xo, Bobbie Dear Bobbie, I assume this is a clever rouse to get me into bed, and I must say I am both delighted and surprised....
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Ask Stephanie- Recreational drugs
Dear Stephanie, Recreational drugs? Cool or not cool? Love, D Dear Lindsey Lohan, First of all, drugs are never cool. Although, checking out of rehab with a false sense of self and a new taste for...
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Ask Stephanie- What’s in your fridge?
Dear Steph, What’s in your fridge? You post lots of IG food pics, so I assume its good stuff. Share? -AB Dear stalker, Usually my refrigerator is a swirling vortex of entropy, but today it’s actually...
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Whatsup, dickmouth?
I received my first piece of “hate mail” that I’ve actually been truly upset about this morning via kik messanger. As much as I hate glorifying this fucktard with a response, I hope it sets the tone...
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Ask Stephanie- Kids?
Dear Stephanie, Do you have any kids? Love, Katelyn Dear Katie, Pregnant is the new black so obviously I’m trying to get impregnated ASAP, but apparently it’s something you can’t finger blast your way...
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Friday the 13th, you say?
What a better day than Friday the 13th to bounce back from my hiatus! After a shitty break-up, failed surgeries, new jobs, new states, new flings, lost friendships, table dancing, one very robust...
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e-hotmess.com
My friends have been pushing for me to start dating again. Rephrase: online dating. This, for all inclusive purposes, is revolting. I will openly admit that I am better on page than in person, but then...
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What’s this? What’s this?!
I’ve started decorating for Halloween. Actually, I started making my decorations back in August, but they are officially up now. I also mysteriously downed an entire bag of candy corns last night....
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It’s like a playlist for a double homicide.
I’m going back to bed, putting in my ear buds and listening to this on repeat until my attitude changes… It may be days. A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover Anya Marina- Whatever You Like Bon Iver- Skinny...
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